by Dee Dussault |
For people who already use cannabis to heighten sex, the notion makes total sense.
Cannabis increases relaxation, which enhances bodily sensitivity. Tantra teaches that we enjoy more of life when we’re feeling relaxed. Think about how extra-good sex feels after a work-out, or when on vacation. Science and experience shows that we’re more sexually open when we’re free of tension in body and mind. When we’re not relaxed, our blood vessels contract, decreasing nerve sensitivity throughout the body and reducing sensitivity to the yummy goodness of life, including sexual. Not good.
Cannabis is both as an anti-anxiety aid and muscle relaxant, so it helps chill out in both body and mind. When the strain and dose are in alignment with one’s needs and disposition, this herb acts as a lubricant, washing away the corrosive armor of tension that we all carry, unconsciously, through most of our days. With just a few puffs on your vape, that big work issue seems more far away, that argument with a relative less important.
While relaxation is necessary for all people to fully feel alive in life and sex, this is especially true for women.
To fully open sexually, to be completely turned-on, women need more time order to fully turn off the parts of the brain that are triggered to react to feelings of anxiety, worry, stress, and guilt. Some relaxation aid, or combination of aids, is required for a woman’s nervous system to be able to slow down enough for her arousal circuitry to be fully activated and her erectile tissue to be fully engorged. And everyone knows that having a fully turned on woman is exactly the thing that makes for incredible sex (at least for sex that involves women!).
The sexual benefits of relaxation do not apply only to women.
The number-one treatment protocol for male erectile difficulty or premature ejaculation is conscious relaxation. What makes relaxation “conscious” is that we evoke it ourselves, developing the practice consistently, before we need it. This form of relaxing isn’t zoning out in front of the TV. It is stuff like practicing watching the breath or softening the muscles, such that it becomes a habit to be relaxed. And while relaxation is not a panacea for every single sexual issue, learning to relax is paramount to good sex and good quality of life for everyone. It softens the activity of the prefrontal cortex, allowing all lovers to feel more and think less.
Aside from relaxation, heightened nerve sensitivity, and less mental distraction, cannabis enhances sex in other ways as well.
One of which is how it changes the user’s perception of time. The herb is very tantric in that way, encouraging it’s users to slow down, to savor, to play without a a formula or attachment to outcome. Once more, the sensuality aspect is heightened, as stoned lovers take their time to explore each other’s bodies, pausing here and there to puff and giggle.
Slowing down like this and enjoying frequent and extended make-outs, cuddles, and sex sessions releases oxytocin, the brain chemical responsible for feelings of well-being and fulfillment. Because it can distort time, cannabis leads to a longer, less goal-oriented sex session, which means more feel-good chemicals produced by your own body. “Foreplay” as a concept gets thrown out the window, and the whole sex act from start to finish becomes a sensuous, lingered-over, deliciously-savored experience. Changing our perception of time while heightening our sensitivity means less focus on the genitals needing to be a certain hardness, or orgasm needing to be attained by a certain time. Sex with cannabis, and the timeless, carefree energy it can bring, takes the pressure off sex, and brings it back to its rightful place of joy and connection, not performance and acquisition.
Strain and dose are the keys to using cannabis for sex.
Strains are stronger these days than they were decades ago, and there are many many strains to choose from, each with various levels of cannabinoid and terpine content. Have fun exploring strains! Make it a sensual adventure. Find a dispensary where they have nice big jars and take a big whiff of each one. The terpines you like are probably good strains for you. There are as many different kinds of “aphrodisiac” cannabis strains as there are people, so whatever makes you feel good in body and mind is the turn-on weed for you. If you’re not sure, your Bud Tender might have suggestions as well.
The biggest challenge for beginners is finding a dose that is safe and effective. When people don’t like combining cannabis and sex it is usually because of a previous time where they consumed too much and became anxious and withdrawn. Beginners should start with a very low dose, and consider building a relationship to cannabis before using it with sex. Be sure the strain you use leads to relaxed highs and not hyper or withdrawn highs. How does it feel to masturbate with different strains and ingestion methods? Experimentation with different products as you self-pleasure can be a fun past-time, whether you have a lover or not!
Once you feel ready to share cannabis with a lover during sex, remember the principle of “minimum effective dose.” Not because cannabis is bad for you. But because there’s a perfect dose to get you the result you want with as few adverse effects as possible. Slightly less groggy, slightly less hungry, slightly less anxious. As you and the plant develop your own unique relationship, you will learn to mitigate any negative effects with ease.
Aside from strain and dose, there are many ways to consume cannabis, from smoking and vaping to edibles and topicals, and many parts of the cannabis plant that could be used, not to mention, many different ways they can be processed.
Each of these are as vital as the elements that create a distinct wine, and because it is a medicine, each individual plant will affect your body and mind in its unique way. Each ingestion method offers its own flavor to the sex experience. Smoking is a fast high, a sensory experience where you are very much aware of the tactile sensation of holding and passing a joint. It is also a connecting experience, as you and your boo pass the doobie. Not to mention the primal experience of interacting with the element of fire. Because joints and pipes come on quick, people usually share a smoke, and then bond, and then get sexy, or else bond before smoking up, then get right to business as the affects hit. Here the lover is advised to avoid waterpipes and bongs, which steal some of the smelly, healing terpines.
Vaping is similar to smoking, with perhaps more of a body high and a slightly slower onset. It is usually more manageable to dose a vaporizer, with a less concentrated or intense feeling of high. If smoking is like drinking whisky, vaping is like sipping wine. It’s also better for the lungs and throat, since it avoids combustion of organic matter. Plus, it’s fun to have a vape in the mouth while getting fucked, sipping placidly while your lover works you. Just sayin.’
Topicals are an obvious choice for sexy times, because nothing makes for a more relaxed love-making experience than being relaxed. Find a good THC or CBD – infused balm and offer your sweety a foot rub, or shoulder massage, making relaxation a part of the foreplay. Remember, topicals are not psychoactive, so you’ll have the body benefits of cannabis, but an ordinary state of consciousness, – which is great if you want to be mentally clear during sex. You can also use topicals on the genitals, to give a hand-job to a lover of either gender, or as a form of lube. Remember, any product containing sugar should be kept off lady bits. Also,oil-based topicals reduce the efficacy of condoms.
Edibles create the most exquisite body high of all, but the onset is quite long, and impatient users can be tempted to smoke up while waiting, thereby overdosing to the point of “couch-lock” and not “booty call.” Be sure the edibles you’re buying have quality assurance and precision dosing, and then enjoy the long onset. Start bonding as you’re waiting for the cannabis to take effect. Lay beside each other, talk about more emotional stuff, make eye contact, laugh, and share yourself. As the waves of body pleasure start to ripple in, you’ll be in the right place mentally and emotionally to share the sexy body ride with another.
Okay, so you have been developing conscious relaxation to couple with getting high for sex, and you’ve found some strains, products, and ingestion methods that suit you. Ready to get it on? Good.
Just make sure you have lots of water handy. Many stoners have experienced dry mouth after smoking; dryness in the vagina means too much friction down there to make for a good time. Fortunately dryness of any kind can be easily dealt with by drinking plenty of water and taking frequent sip breaks during the sexy play. If the cannabis is not already encouraging you to do so, slow down, and be sure to take enough time for your lady-partner to become fully aroused before putting anything into her vagina. Remember, sex is all about the journey, not a destination! If you’re giving her lots of time but she’s still dry, use a lube. Perhaps one containing cannabis!
Another note about weed-fueled sex: It doesn’t have to be epic. Sometimes we can build up all these expectations and that can really throw us off our game. You don’t do a huge run every time you go to to the gym. Sometimes you do the aqua fit class. Other times you do Zumba. Similarly, sex can be sweet, cozy, or even just “good enough,” some days. So just get high and do it, knowing there are a million ways to have “good sex”( and it often doesn’t look at all like porn). As long as you stay present to what is happening, connected to your partner, and as relaxed as possible in your body and mind, you will have a good time.
If you need extra inspiration, check out my Bay Area “Cannabis & Sex” class on Friday Feb. 12, from 7-9pm, and my Valentines “Partner Yoga” & “Tantra” classes, all optionally cannabis-enhanced! Full details available at www.deedussault.com/valentines.
Dee Dussault helps people find their bliss through relaxation, mindfulness, and sensuality. She is the founder of Ganja Yoga, as well as a Tantra teacher and sexuality coach. Since 2009, she has worked privately with hundreds of couples and singles around the world, helping them slow down and enjoy sex and life even more.